Daily Update

I was in a really bad accident this morning and I am more emotionally scarred by it than I thought one would be when they are in a major accident

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They said I was hit from the back and I swerved 360 degrees twice, hit the median strip, swerved a 180 and came to a stop.

All I remember was driving through an intersection and thinking about how it would feel like to be hit (force of habit, i think this every time I cross the lights) and then all of a sudden the view on my windscreen changed. Like someone had changed the channel and the video playing was just a series of green blurs moving up and down. Then I realised that there was a bang before the screen blurred. Then I thought Oh someone’s hit me and then I thought OMG I’ve lost control, then I hit the brakes but it wouldn’t stop. The windscreen wouldn’t stop showing me these green blurs.Then another bang (probably me hitting the kerb)…Then I screamed but I couldn’t scream loud… I was thinking I need to scream louder but I couldn’t…then my radio cut off.. just static… then everything stopped.

I was facing perpendicular to the road I was just in… and this women in a green car was getting out swearing. She bangs the door closed. She was trying to cross the street to get to me. I was still just sitting there just watching her.

I needed to get out. I could hear a hiss and I knew it was something leaking in the car… or was it the radio? I switched off the radio but the car was still making creaking sounds. I knew I had to get out. My hands were shaking. I just need to sit down. I just need to sit. I need to get out. I have to get out of this car. I called my husband. I got out and my legs gave out,

I am physically fine now. I have been to the hospital and I am just bruised. They keep telling me to stop being anxious and that at least I am safe.

It could have been worse, they keep saying. But I cannot imagine anything worse than being out of control and I didn’t even fight. I couldn’t even scream. My brain didn’t even register I was in trouble until well after something had actually happened.

I cannot defend myself and I feel weak,. What could be worse than that? 

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