Life as I know it

I feel my anger filling me up again because everything is just so unfair

How much do I sound like a teenager right now?

I want to write why I am angry but it’s not just one thing… it’s the little things… like the house being a constant mess, and it’s not just because of the kids, my husband seems to be okay with living in a sty as well. I am getting sick of picking up after everybody. At least if it was my house I would be able to do it later but now I have the added pressure of my mum or my dad nagging about everything dirty the entire time. And they don’t nag me, they expect my husband to clean up… which deep inside I know is fair because he is the one that leaves the coke cans and the laundry everywhere but for goodness sake DON’T TELL HIM THAT! If you do he’ll hate you more… and if he hates you more then he’ll hate me more…. he’ll be in a grumpy mood for the next 6 months… even the slightest thing will make him hate everything even more and then I would have to compromise more and more until I get exhausted and get angry and then the kids would cry and then the kids would hate me and run to their dad….. who was the one who started this all in the first place!!! So I conclude that this is entirely my parents fault for ruining my life.

So…. there it is… my reason for anger….. it’s the little things that make you realise how controlled your life is.

Just you know …. I just need to hang on for like 20 more years till my kids are old enough to move out and then I’ll leave him …

Just hang on for 20 more years… then you can ask your parents to forgive you.

Just 20 more years.

I don’t have much hope for our counselling session because it is just how my life works.


7 thoughts on “Life as I know it

  1. 😦 this hurt my heart reading. I am so sorry that you are in a life where you are forced to be in a life where you are unhappy. I have had my moments similar with my husband but I laid down my feelings and said –listen you son of a bitch either you change, or I’m gone. (Literally said this) and it changed instantaneously because he NEVER realized that he was making me so unhappy. And, I know it may not work for your marriage in the same way, but please…….try…….be honest, be open, and for Gods sake try to find happiness again. You deserve it. We all do. If mothers and wives didn’t take care of the stuff we did, shit would be an absolute mess.
    Sorry for my potty mouth –I get passionate about this topic.
    Sending love to you, and praying for your happiness. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s totally normal to be scared. And honestly, he may not in the beginning. As long as he can commit to GOING, then the rest should fall into place. If he loves you and as long as he cares too. And if not, ask yourself…..Is it really worth working on in the first place if he’s not willing to show up and do the work? The answer leads you to the next step in life.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh it’s very scary. We don’t want to think about it, so we avoid it. But if it’s going to kill us to stay miserable – it’s worth being scared to get on the road of happiness! 💜

        Liked by 1 person

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