Do you ever feel disconnected from the whole world?
Like it wont matter if you stay or you go. Like it wont matter if you cared or you didnt. Like you just can’t be bothered to even try because you already know you won’t be happy with the outcome?
I always keep coming back to one thing – I need a break from my family. Yea I know that makes me sound like a bad mother. It is this taboo thing to say that you need a break from your kids. I am just going to make that statement a little bit worse by saying – If i take a break, if I ever do get the chance to take a break, I am not sure I will be willing to come back. I know that sounds bad. I cannot tell you why I feel this way.
Maybe it is just as easy and simple as I just didnt have enough days off after having my kids. Maybe I went back to work too quickly. Maybe I just work too hard and not enough relaxing with my kids. Or Maybe it’s not that simple and I… and its hard for me to say this because it feels like admitting to something very real… or maybe this is me realising I made a mistake by choosing this life and I’m running away. Maybe this is me trying to start my life again.
I don’t know what I’m doing and i am a lost little … woman? Mother? Bitch? Devil?
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks