Lonely

I have finally done it. I have left my parents, my entire family behind. I’ve told the people that need to know about my parents everything. I am finally free to deal with my husband and my relationship the way I see fit.

I knew before all of this happened that it was going to be hard. I like to think that this is why it took me so long to put a distance between my parents and I. However, even knowing this has not made it easier to do this alone.

I am currently completely alone to deal with the fact that I have no parents and never did. My husband either doesnt want to talk about it or thinks it will hurt me if he does…either way, hes not there. Nothing unusual, he’s never there anyway.

So everyday, i get up. I do my duty as a mother and love my kids and I do my duty as a wife and pretend to love my husband and I do my duty and pretend to care about my work. I clean the house. I cook when I can. I do the laundry. I exist.

I’m existing. I’m here. I’ve put everything I can behind me and I am finally free…. to just exist.