Every emotion is so complicated. I don’t understand why I have to analyse everything. It’s always this fight in my head to not think but think all the time. Is this a symptom of whatevet depression/ anxiety I have? Or perhaps the need to be perfect brings out this over thinker? Or perhaps the need to be perfect is a symptom too? Or I am just willing myself to think all these things because I don’t want to think about the sccident I’ve just had. It’s just an accident… it was my fault… no one was hurt… it’s okay.
Why can’t it just be okay to be angry with myself? To just realise I made a mistake and move on? What is this need to analyse things to come up with an excuse to figure out why I did the thing I did?
Oh my brain!!!
January to April : Torture by parents, mental games, fights, physical fights with the parents, kids scared and confused, builder raises the price of the house
May: move out of parents house, kids and husband move overseas. I sell all my jewllery to pay off the builder, stay home alone, kids not doing well overseas, dog gets anxiety
April: end of april: daughter and husband come back, son stays on, MIL backs out on offer to come and help, find a daycare to look after daughter
May: go overseas to pick up son, find daycare to look after son and daughter, dog anxiety worsens
June: dog dies, parents try to contact, depression gets worse, husband is promised promotion at work
July: work gets worse, anger gets worse, builder adds extras that cost more, husbands promotion is threatned
August: end of August: husband gets seizures
September: daughter breaks arm, im finding it really hard to keep it together