I have the flu. The kind that weakens you. I took 2 days off and I went back to work, I was still sick but I still went back and worked till 7pm. By the time I got home, I couldn’t keep my head up and almost collapsed on the train. If I was not a mother, I could have taken the whole week off and no one would have said a thing. But Alas, I have toddlers which automatically puts me in the “She’s not great at her job pool”. So you work hard. Harder than anyone else to at least be seen.
I’m back to work this morning and while getting my kids ready for school, they wanted lots of cuddles. Now getting a cuddle from my 2 yr old son is very rare and something I cherish. Any other day I would have asked him to hurry up and put his pants on cuz I was running late – no time for cuddles boy – but today I took the time to give him a cuddle and I even managed to get a “I love you mama” from him! (Super excited) and now I am 15 minutes late to work. Do I feel like this could have been avoided? Sure, I could have got up at 4:30am instead of the 5:00am I usually do. But 4:30 though…Am I looking forward to the long sigh and eye roll I will get from my boss when I apologise for running late? Nope not really. Do I regret cuddling him? Most definitely not. It was bloody worth it. Your eye roll does not compare to his “I love you”.
I went back to work within 4 months of giving birth to my daughter and 3 months of giving birth to my son. None of which was easy. I would cry on the way to work and the guilt… oh the guilt! While all other mothers had time to get their kids to swimming classes by the time they turned 1. My kids, 4 and 2, are yet to learn that skill. My kids childcare workers know more about them, than I do. It’s not right. But then again, I can’t afford to stay at home. I have a mortage and bills to pay. So here I am. All I can do is rant…while life just keeps rolling. So I wish every morning when I wake up that my kids dont hate me for working and they turn out alright and hope one day they would understand why I did the things I did.