Mind Games

In my opinion and personal experience, mind games are the worst kind of abuse to be inflicted on someone. It doesn’t show scars so no one can see the pain and words can be said in a way that can be twisted so the abuser can get away with the abuse.

There was an argument that happened yesterday between my parents and my husband and I. My parents want one of two things
1. For us to leave
2. More money

I am not sure which one it is but they did say (without me saying anything) “I haven’t asked you for more money” and when asked if they wanted us to leave they said “i cannot answer that question”

I’ll leave it to you to interpret that however you want.

Deniability if they get caught abusing me is what they wanted and that is what they will get.

The worst part about all of this, and the part that I cannot get over, is the fact that these are my parents.

My parents.

It’s quite heart breaking because I don’t know how to live without my parents.

I am almost 30 and I still long for my mothers hugs. The last time I got one, I was less than 10 years old. More than 20 years later and I am still hoping for that hug.

But in reality, all I will get is mind games.

One day when I die, I am planning to share this blog with my family. But I know that even then they would never admit that they did something wrong along the way, they will only blame it on me and say I’ve had a mental illness.

Deniability. That’s all my abusers ever want.